Unseen Vogue
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Broken.
Up until now, I can't seem to have a goodnight sleep without wondering why I was not enough. I was that girl who built you into who you are right now. I was that girl who watched you fall asleep and mesmerize on how lucky I am to witness that. I was that girl who sew your damaged clothes because you couldn't afford to buy a new one yet. I was that girl who let you stained my shirt with your tears when you thought everybody was against you. But you were wrong, I was always on your side. I was that girl who believed in you when you can't trust your ownself. I was that girl who made you feel sure and confident when you had insecurities with other men. I was that girl who already had plans for your success, to make sure that people who looked down on you will soon look up. I was that girl who listened to every d*mn word when you were mad with the world; hushed you, and assured you everything will be okay. I loved everything about you, your flaws made me love you more. I fought the demon inside you because inside I knew you have a good heart. But when it was my turn, you waived the white flag. You utterred that you can't fight for me without giving me the chance to say that I will fight for you. You left cause you were scared. But I was scared too, but you couldn't possibly care about me. I was devastated, those were the most painful tears I've ever cried. Worse is, you lived life like I was not part of it anymore. How could you smile? Laugh? How could you sleep? Nobody was there for me but me. I hushed myself, hugged myself and wiped my own tears. You left, but I chased you. I thought I can make things the way they used to be but you won't let me. You said you still love me, but you are scared. I showed you even more how much I loved you, that I am worth the fight but then I saw your picture with another girl. I found out you've been seeing her while I was busy trying to get the "us" back. How did you do it? How did you find another girl to replace me that quick? Why let me hope that things will be the same when you already had someone else? And there I was again, broken. But this time, piece by piece I will pick myself up. For 6 years, I loved you so much I forgot to love myself. I haven't really moved on but I hope will get there sooner. I am not yet on the "thank you, i-know-my-self-worth-now" or "i-deserve-better" phase yet. I am in the "why?" and "how" stage yet. I am slow in this "moving on" thing. I have trust issues now, but probably don't know that. I missed the old me, the girl I was when I was with you. I will try to win that girl back, but this time, it's without you.